JUst when i thought...

just when i thought it was safe to open up my heart

to let you inside

after all this time apart

i am called again to swallow my pride

although she is as beautiful as the sun shining over the horizon

as beautiful as the moon guiding us bellow the belt of orion

is she right for me?

cause she is blind and cannot see...

just when i thought my soul could bear the light once more

just when i thought the cold would turn to heat and bright lights before

a man who is a sight for sore eyes

a man who dreads the sunrise

lying awake staring at his ceiling

trying to escape this dreaded feeling

is it safe to feel?

can i begin to heal?

just when i thought my life would change like the seasons

just when i thought i found myself a reason

a reason to be careless and free

a reason to shake off imprisioning thoughts of treason, internal bleeding and anxiety

suddenly a wave of realization washes over me

suddenly a crave for emendation blankets over me

must i vanish away from you to be?

must i dissipate into this inevidable fate for you to see?

that my life is not like everyone else's

i have burdens too

that i am not vein and selfless

and i truly love you

yet you always go for the guys who just stampede over your emotions

only to wash over the shore of your emotions, a burden bore of oceans

i can see who you are and how you express yourself

it is me that loves you and nobody else

i want to tell you so bad that it eats away at my skin

i want to tell you so bad i hold it in

i have to you see

in order for you to be around me

to astound me

to profoundly resound

and what i've found

is that life is not perfect

but your worth it

the time of day

the walks to the lake and down by the bay

day in and day out

night after night i sought about

the idea that one day

i could have my way

and escape with you to a place only we knew

to be true, so our love could ensue

careless and free

you and me

you and i

letting time pass by

just when i thought it was safe to express

just when i thought i releave my heathing chest

i found out you've found a new lover

i found out you've yet to uncover

these feelings of mine

so benign and divine

is it time for me to have it my way?

is it time for me to le go of dismay?

just when i thought i was walking into my dreams

just when i thought i was emerging from the shadows into moonlight beams

i am dragged back into the cold

no truths are yet to unfold

scolded and molded into this familiar disposition

ready to drive but i can turn the key into ignition

is it alright to leave you for a week?

is it alright for me to hurt and become weak?

just when i thought i would escape these thoughts of mine

just when i thought she would see the signs

i begin to drown in the waters where i can breathe

suspended in animation not being able to leave

mouths full of sands i could bear for thee

i would walk to the ends of the earth just for you and i to be

is it safe to tell you the truth?

is it safe to say my love for you is sooth?

i want to hold you in my arms and call you mine

i want to unfurl and unfold from the cold into the warm and benign

i want the world to unfold around us

cause time could astound us

found trust

make love without lust

i know nothing of the ways of the weary

but these summer nights leave me cold and dreary

and whenever your near me

you hear me

but you do not feel me

meaningless ties could never heal me

i want you so much

i would love to feel the touch

of your lips

the taste of your kiss, my hands on your hips

rocking back and forth till my back has no bone

lying next to you as i sleep so i dont feel so alone

make me the happiest man alive

make me something onto which i strive

listen to my heart and my soul

before i dig myself and even deeper hole

i am a man of rage and discipline

a man of couth, a gentleman

i man of faith and wisdom

a man of patience to become

a man that loves and feels

a man that says what is real

so i love you

i think so much of you

i need your love

like i need the lord above

just when i thought it was safe to fly

just when i thought it was safe to try

i lose my wings in mid air

i start to sing melancholic songs of despair

i care so much to lock these words within me

i dare not to knock on the doors of loss too loudly

is it alright if i come to see you?

is it alright? because i need you

just when i thought you'd be mine

i am stuck in this battle with both space and time

with lyric and rhyme

with the sunshine

with the moonlight

with the wrong and right

with pain and might

should i fight?

or continue to write?

should i lhold back or say and do?

only this poem could be completed by you